Well tomorrow is the big day, the first day of the last internship of the rest of my life. Or at least that's what I'm going to think of it as.... it puts a cheery little lining around the impeding doom of being in Winterpeg doesn't it? I thought so.
I was going to post some amazing videos that would be good for a laugh or two, however, as most of you know I am compu-illiterate, so perhaps tomorrow I can figure this shit out.
I'm re-reading my most favorite book of all time for the 4th time, Dostoyevsky's "Notes from the Underground". If you haven't read it I suggest you do, if your like minded you'll truly appreciate it. Now obviously I am nothing close to being a literature major.... I barely have a grasp on the English language itself let alone being able to delve into the intricacies of a world renown novel.... but I'll try just for shits and giggles...To me, this novel studies the multiple layers of one's psyche. How we lie to ourselves, yet we know we are doing so.... how we see ourselves as one way but no one else sees us in that light at all.... the way we do things out of spite yet it is only detrimental to ourselves.... the want to fit in with the crowd yet the satisfaction in thinking your unique...... that sort of thing...
I really don't do it justice, but then again I don't do justice to much.... maybe you should just read the goddamn book like I said in the first place.
It especially rings true for me at this time because stuck in Winterpeg I feel very dejected from my life, which could be taken as both a positive and a negative. Positively is the more accurate critique of my life that I can attain my being away from it. It gives me a more objective view... like I am a third person watching my life pass me by... in such a way that I can learn from it. Although, this gets old after a while because I critique my life constantly whether I am in it or not. As Dostoyevsky put it, I have "the disease... [of] excessive consciousness". I will spare you the rant that he included in explaining it, because of course, you will or will have already read the book. Another positive of being dejected from my life is the 'work on brendawg' time that I have. There is nothing but time to do all of the character building and meditating and such. But again, it is more of a negative because there is only so much a person can do for themselves. I find being around those who are genuinely passionate about anything can do more for my personal sense of self. And that's where the negatives come in full force! The being away from friends and family but most importantly friends whom I consider family is the worst part. I could care less that Winterpeg is the ugliest city second only to Toronto if my friends and family were here. I think its that sense of 'community' that makes a place feel like home. Saskatoon definitely feels like home to me, Yuckton, not so much. Sure, my mom and sisters are there, but that's really the only thing I go there for. Whereas in Saskatoon there is so many things I enjoy doing, like going to Lydias, hanging out on campus (because I'm a huge dork), going to Maguires... or anywhere with the pharmacy kids, hanging out at the Bob's (shout out to the Bobs!), and of course all my friends that pretend to like me, I thoroughly appreciate it.
Anyways, that's enough life talk for tonight, I'm going to keep reading my favorite book.
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